Arguments are going to happen from time to time between two independent adults. A lot of us think our relationships are bad if we argue, but that is not necessarily true. You can get Relationship Advice on this here.
Arguing in an unhealthy way, however, can be a BIG problem. Even just a few arguments that are unhealthy can cause serious damage to your relationship.
Arguments that are unhealthy happen in many different ways. One unhealthy way to argue is by either attacking or withdrawing. Attacking, trying to dominate your mate by yelling or deriding them, is obviously bad. So too is withdrawing into silence and not talking to your partner for hours or days.
Another big cause of damage in your relationship is if during an argument you say things that are very hurtful to your mate, like you’re a complete stupid idiot or a worthless wench. Studies have shown that if one or both partners treat each other with scorn or contempt during an argument, that relationship gets severely damaged. If you treat your mate with scorn or get treated with scorn you should learn how to deal with conflict in a healthier way.
Here are some healthy ways to argue. First, try to breathe through your anger or fear. Focusing on your breathing can help you to stay calm and present. This can take a while to learn, but it helps. You can get more How To Get Relationship Advice here.
It can take a good while to learn to do, but the next thing is to focus on de-escalation. This means to lower the volume and temperature of the arguing. See if you can get your mate to calm down by talking more softly yourself. Act in a non-threatening way and give them some space.
Another key skill for good arguing is to ask your lover what’s important to them about the thing you’re arguing over. Then shut up and LISTEN. You don’t have to agree, but just listening will make room for you to share your views and then you can often get to a compromise.
Lastly, a great move is to reconnect with your lover fast after the argument is over. Don’t let the resentment and silence linger or build up. Say “I’m sorry we disagreed, are you all right?” Break the ice! There is much more to learn about good conflict, but this is a good start. You can get a complete system about How To Get Relationship Advice here.
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Tags: Conflict, love advice, Marriage, relationship help, relationship problems, relationships