Posts Tagged ‘infidelity’

How Infidelity Brings Much Pain

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

Many marriages break up over the pain of signs of infidelity. Love and trust that was promised is taken away. The result of infidelity is both pain as well as hurt.

What is the source of all this pain? Look at the lives of Sue and Joe as they experience the pain of dealing with infidelity.

Sue was the kid next door when Joe was growing up. During hi senior year, they began dating and in his junior year in college, Joe proposed. They have three children, a girl and two boys.

Money was sometimes tight as the kids began to grow older so Joe started working late at the office to make ends meet. A few months later Sue noticed that money was just as tight or tighter even though Joe was working very late almost every night. When she mentioned this to Joe, a big fight followed and Joe left.

A week later, he called Sue to try to make amends. During their conversation, he tells Sue that he has been unfaithful. Both partners are willing to try counseling to see if things can be made better.

Sue is heartbroken. The very idea of forgiveness is nauseating. She has been betrayed by the one she loved the most. In her wildest imagination, she would have never have though of this type betrayal.

We all love stories to end happily, however this one may end that way. These deep hurts do not go away overnight. Divorce often follows such mistrust.

Even if things work out, the mistrust will work their way to the surface again and again. One missed appointment can rapidly bring up old feelings. Joe also has changed. He may no longer be as willing to stick through the tough times that happen in any marriage.

The once strong system of support offered by friends and extended family may also be shattered. Visits may not come as often as they once did. Sue not only feels she cannot confide in Joe, but feels abandoned by friends also.

If divorce follows, children will also feel the pain. The relocation of part of the family across state lines makes parental visitation more difficult and it sometimes even stops. Children sense the tension and also feel the pain. They miss the absent parent. Contact is broken and parents also are pained.

The pain continues. Even if Sue finds someone else with whom to spend the rest of her life, Joe’s infidelity in marriage can continue to haunt the new relationship. She may fear sharing feelings since her trust was broken earlier.

Joe’s money troubles have only just begun. Divorce and living the divorced lifestyle is an expensive process, both financially and emotionally. He now pays child support and has to pay his own rent or home payment as well as other bills. Joe also feels the pain of his failure. Infidelity has also brought pain to the instigator.

No matter how tempting infidelity may be, ask yourself if you are willing to pay the pain price after surviving infidelity. Just remember we’re talking about marital infidelity.

Infidelity Causes More Damage Than Ending A Marriage

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

divorce laws

Infidelity is a huge cause for divorce. It does not matter if it is in the United States or if it is in Australia. Unfaithfulness damages the very foundation of trust upon which a marriage is built. It causes self-doubt and always leads to fighting. There are many reasons why people cheat but none of them lessens the impact that it has on the other spouse. It can completely shake a person’s self-confidence and lead them to think it may have been their fault. That is simply not true.

It is easy to think of infidelity as being physically intimate with someone other than a spouse. But there are other ways to cheat as well. A person can be involved emotionally with someone other than their spouse. The two may never touch each other physically but it can still be devastating on the faithful wife or husband. No matter what type of infidelities have occurred, all parties are hurt in the end and this can be reflected in the divorce settlement.

Divorce court is not a great place to have to air dirty laundry about infidelities. Most judges do not look favorably on a cheating spouse. In some states it is grounds enough to be granted alimony. There are very few cases of uncontested divorces where a partner has been cheating. Most are very bitter affairs that often require the services of a divorce mediation professional in order to come to a peaceful agreement.

If your partner has cheated on you but you are not quite ready to call it quits, then you can still find marriage help. It will take a lot of work to get the marriage back on track but it can happen. It requires counseling to uncover the reasons why one spouse strayed from the marriage bed. There will be a lot of hurt feelings that have to be overcome and it is entirely possible that you can never let the incident(s) go and that divorce will happen regardless of your efforts to save the marriage.

Infidelity does more than end a marriage. It always causes the injured spouse to doubt his or her own value. Did you make your husband/wife cheat? Was there something about your looks or personality that was not good enough? All manner of questions run through the mind. Divorce laws are on your side if you decide to contact a divorce attorney but it does not make it sting any less.

Stop Infidelity With Reverse Phone Directories

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

Do you think that your partner may be having an affair? There are usually a number of signs given by a significant other that would indicate infidelity such as phone number sitting around and sneaky behavior.

If you have seen what’s in the wallet or pants of your partner and have found an unfamiliar phone number in there you will probably wonder who the number belongs to. It can be difficult to determine who owns the phone number unless you use a reverse cell number search service.

A discovery like this can be a very difficult experience. Nobody wants to be faced with the possibility of having a cheating spouse. No matter what, you deserve to know the truth. What can be discovered with just a phone number? You can’t just call the number and ask if they are having an affair with your spouse after all!

If you go ahead and dial the phone number, things could get complicated. If your partner is cheating on you, you will alert them that you know and give them a chance to cover their tracks. If your spouse isn’t cheating, the act of calling the number will show a lack of trust which can cause a great deal of stress in the relationship.

Or, you might actually be contacting someone from work or another individual that could prove problematic to your significant other. So, what is the answer? The answer is easy - a reverse phone lookup!

It is easy to use a reverse phone lookup service. All you need is a phone number. Armed with just this information, you can find out the name of the person that is linked to the number and in many cases you can discover the person’s address as well.

After doing the simple research and learning who is linked to the phone number you will be better prepared to decide if you partner is having an affair. If you recognize the name and realize it is someone you know or that your husband works with, you will be able to ease your mind. However, if you don’t recognize the name, you may want to do some further investigation.

When you do a simple Internet search, you will be able to find a variety of services that provide free reverse cell number search services. While you will probably be able to uncover a few numbers with the free services, you will be severely limited in what you have access to.

This is particularly true when it comes to mobile phone numbers, which usually aren’t a part of the free reverse phone lookup services. Therefore, if you want to have total access to phone numbers and who they belong to, it is a good idea to register with a reverse phone lookup service. Although there will be a cost involved with this type of service, you will be happy you have the ability to research numbers rapidly and easily when you have to.

While nobody wants to face the possibility of a cheating partner, it’s a good idea to have some options and keep yourself safe. With the assistance of a reverse phone lookup service, you can do just that!

 

How To Track a Cheating Spouse - Know Where They Are & Where They Have Been Using Real Time GPS

Friday, June 12th, 2009

There are many types of spy equipment on the market. The real time tracking device may, however be the most useful.

Real Time GPS - With a real time GPS tracker you can get all the same information that a GPS logger will provide. However, through the use of website based software, accessed via the internet, or even a cell phone you will be able to see where the tracker is right now in real time. For example your partner calls you and says he/she has to work late. You could simply log onto the website and see where his/her car is right now and not after the fact.

There are may models of real time GPS on the market. One of the main things that you want to be aware of is the monthly subscription fees. When you purchase the tracker you will have to subscribe to a website to access the software to get locations and history reports. The monthly fee can range from $19 per month to $89 per month depending on the company used and the amount of usage.

Battery life could be the single biggest factor in choosing a real time GPS tracker. Many of the smaller GPS tracker’s batteries will only last 6-8 hours depending on how often the tracker is set up to report it’s location. Always take into account how long the tracker will stay on the vehicle before you can change the batteries.

One of the most reliable and cost effective GPS units on the market is the Trim Trac Pro Real Time Tracker. It has a battery life of up to 90 days and is totally self contained. There are no wires or GPS antennas to mount hide or worry about. Simply, put it on or in the car and you are ready to track it.

Some trackers can text the current location to a cell phone without having a subscription. With text messaging you only get the coordinates in most cases. If you are near a computer you can go to Google Earth and enter the coordinates to view on a map, but if you are not the info on the text will probably not be useful.

When placing the GPS tracker on the vehicle there are several things to consider.

  1. The tracker must be able to communicate with the satellites and the cellular towers. The GPS tracker cannot be completely enclosed by metal. Placing the tracker in the trunk is not always the best option. Under a seat or in the glove box will almost always work. The tracker can be put under the vehicle in some cases but is not the best option. If you put the tracker under the vehicle be sure tio put it close to the edge as you can and keep as many sides of the device free from any metal that may obstruct it from communicating.
  2. Easy removal. Be sure that you can easily remove the tracker from the vehicle. You will need to change the batteries occasionally. You will need to replace or charge the batteries, so don’t put the tracker inside of the vehicle unless have access.

If you want to know exactly where your spouse spends their time try a real time gps tracker. I hope this helps.

Spouse Cheating? Find Out Using These Basic Methods

Friday, June 5th, 2009

If you suspect that your partner or spouse is not being faithful or is having an affair their are many methods that can be used to find out the truth. This article will cover some of the basics that anyone can do with know special equipment or training.

If you would like to use a more “high tech” approach such as spy cameras or GPS trackers please visit an online spy store.

The first thing that you should do is keep a detailed record of reported activities of your partner or spouse. Write down the times, dates, places, other people involved, excuses given, etc. The notes that you take will be indespensable to you when comparing what is told to you with ATM receipts, telephone bills statements etc. Cheating spouses will usually try to change their story when confronted with the facts and will probably try to question your memory, so keep a detailed record of everthing.

Keep track of all incoming phone calls. Record the phone numbers, and both date and time of the calls.

Go through the trash, his or her wallet, purse, pockets etc. when they are not around. If your partner is going to restaurants, bars, movies or anywhere else with their suspected lover there will be receipts and they will surely want to get rid of them. There is a good chance that they will get sloppy or hurried and throw them in the trash at home or hide them in their wallet or purse or car. If you find anything that you are suspicious of or cannot explain save it as evidence or write down the details and put the receipt back where you found it so that he/she does not get suspicious. Your partner is already being secretive so do not let them know that you are suspicious of them or they will go to even greater lengths to cover their tracks.

Plan a surprise visit to work, or come home at unexpected times, or tell your partner that you have to work late, but then come home early, etc..

Keep track of your partner’s mileage, receipts, credit card statements, atm withdrawals (unaccounted for cash), phone records, etc.

If you can, check your Partner’s call log. Keep an eye out for a high number of phone calls to or from the same number. Most of the time the offending spouse will store thier “lover’s” name under another person’s name.).

Unless you have enough evidence to make your case you should never confront your spouse. And never reveal all of your evidence at once. Most cheating partners will try to concoct a story to fit the evidence presented. But, if you withhold some evidence, and let your spouse/partner create a story, it gives you the opportunity to use the remaining evidence as leverage. By strategically withholding evidence, your spouse will start to question exactly how much you know, increasing the chance that he or she will tell the truth.

Be sure that you are satisfied as to what is happening in your own mind before confronting your spouse, gather the evidence first to increase your chances of a confession.

Think for a minute about how your partner might try to dismiss your accusations (we were just joking around, I was just flirting, it was a misunderstanding, we are just friends, nothing happened, etc.). You can gather evidence ahead of time if you can predict what thier response to your aligations will be allowing you to counter what they say.

The most important thing to remember here is to be diligent in uncovering evidence, take detailed notes and save everything.

For more information on how to catch a cheating spouse please read my free e book Proven Methods To Catch A Cheating Spouse

Get Ex Back After They Cheated

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Cheating and infidelity are a big relationship killer.  If it happens to you, that your mate cheated on you, this is a big problem.    The trust and faith that is essential to intimacy has been broken.  You feel betrayed and hurt.  Maybe you already kicked out your mate.  This is only to be expected.  You can get more intimacy help here.

After infidelity, should you try to fix your relationship?  If kids are involved, working it out can be a kindness.  Also, if you have put a lot of work into your partnership, it is worth not tossing it away without some salvage work.

If this is the case with you, take heart.  There is hope.  You can sometimes not only get your ex back, but you can make the relationship stronger than it was before.  It will be challenging, but it can be done. 

So to begin, you need to fix the broken trust.  You need to resolve the feelings of betrayal.  And, with some basic emotional intelligence, you don’t need to wait months or years to restore trust, you can do it days.

How you do this is in part through “venting.”  You have to get the hurtful angry sad feelings off your chest.  You have to tell your mate not to argue, but to just listen, then you spill your feelings about what happened. You can learn more about getting my ex back here.

Note that you can get coaching on how to do this, because it can feel very uncomfortable, but it is a big part of restoring trust.  You have to let your mate know how what they did made you feel in a safe and respected way.

Another thing that can help you repair the relationship is counseling.  If your mate won’t go, you can go by yourself.  Relationship therapists and coaches are trained to help you deal with these tricky emotional situations.  Use them!

The value here is that if you got cheated on, there are ways to repair the damage and save your relationship.  You can get back to the love.  It will not be easy, but the end result can be worth the effort.  You can get a complete system for how to get your ex back here.

Spouse Cheating? The One Thing You Should never Do?

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

At this point, if you are reading this, you have probably already done some sort of investigating or maybe even used  spy equipment to find out what is going on.I know that you need to know what is going on, you want answers now? If you think that your spouse is cheating, and are going to do a little investigating, what you do not do is just as important as the things that you do. In general you do not want to tip your cheating spouse off to the fact that you are suspicious of their cheating or infidelity.

The biggest mistake that you could possibly make is to confront your spouse before you have done an investigation and/or have proof of the affair that they cannot deny. In no way should you let your spouse no that you are suspicious. He/she is already being secretive and hiding the truth from you. If you tip them off it will make it harder to find the truth.

If you really think about it their best option is to deny it when you ask them straight out. He / she has to deny it if they are not cheating. If there is an affair going on, but the don’t want to end your relationship, there is a good chance that they will deny it beacause they don’t want to damage the relationship beyond repair. If they are cheating on you and they plan on leaving, our experience tells us that they will lie to you until the very last minute for one of two reasons, the person they want to be with is not 110% committed to be with them indefinitely or they feel that they cannot get divorced due to monetary or religious concerns. In short, there is almost no opportunity for the truth to come out on it’s own and if it does, the timing is completely controlled by your unfaithful spouse.

The bottom line is that if he/she knows that you are onto them they will go to even greater lengths to cover their tracks, making it even more difficult for you to find out the truth.

Please read my free course on how to catch a cheating spouse

Find Out If Your Spouse is Cheating Using a GPS Tracker

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Using a hidden GPS tracker is a very easy and cost effective way to see where your spouse is spending their time.

Many people think that it is necessary to hire a private investigator (costing thousands of dollars) when you want to know where someone is spending their time. However, if you are willing to put modern technology to work for you can find out the same information without the huge expense of hiring a P.I.

It is now possible to track someone using a small GPS tracking device that uses military satellites to find someone’s location to within feet of there actual position. Basically there are two types of trackers.

GPS Logger - Think of a logging device as a sort of video recorder that records the locations, speed traveled, time spent at locations and so on. So if you are wanting to know where your partner has been spending his/her time this tracking device can be very helpful. Verifying your spouses whereabouts is easy using a GPS tracker. For example your partner is spending time at someone’s house or meeting them at a motel, or says that he/she is working late, with the logger you will know exactly where he/she has been and for how long. This device is very small and totally self contained.

I have used many different models and the most reliable and easiest to use is the Professional Mini Tracker.

Simply use the magnetic mount to hide the GPS tracker under the vehicle or hide it inside. When you are ready to view the information you take it off or out of the vehicle and connect it to a USB port on your computer to download the information. You can then view the route and location of the vehicle on a satellite image, on a map or in a text format. Preserving the evidence by saving it on your computer a CD or zip drive is also possible.

If knowing where they are right now and not having to retreive the GPS from the vehicle is important then you will need to use a real time GPS tracker. Keep an eye out for a coming article on real time GPS trackers.

How The Latest Technology Can Help Stop Infidelity

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Are you a concerned spouse? Thanks to modern technology it is now possible investigate the matter using hidden spy cameras, digital recorders, GPS trackers and tons of other spy gear that was once only available to private investigators.

Finding quality spy equipment has become easier than ever thanks to the internet and the explosion of local spy shops. If you live in an urban area there is a good chance that there is a “brick and mortar” spy store within driving distance from you. Most spy shops today carry everything that you would need to carry out your own investigation for a fraction of the cost of hiring a private investigator.

Using a hidden GPS tracker it is now possible to track your spouses every move without their knowledge. With a GPS logging device you can easily verify where they have been spending their time (after the fact). When using a real time GPS tracker you can see where they are at any given time via the internet from almost anywhere in the world while keeping track of the historical data for where they have been and how long they were there.

Hidden cameras are also readily available and come in all shapes and sizes. The newest and easiest to use are totally self contained hidden cameras that are motion activated and self recording. They are built into anything from an alarm clock to an air purifier to a cell phone.

Voice activated digital recorders are also a very popular solution. Most digital recorders found in a spy shop come complete with everything needed to record phone calls, record what is being said inside of a vehicle or a room or office.

So, if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of suspecting that your spouse is not being faithful it may not be necessary to hire a private investigator. Check out a local or online spy shop. Chances are they will have everything that you need to find the truth.

Making Up With Ex After Infidelity

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Infidelity is the cause of many relationship break ups.  The reason is obvious.  When one partner cheats, the other will usually feel like “I can’t trust you ever again.”

This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs.  That’s because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love.  When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back.  Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don’t feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.  You can learn more about making up with your ex girlfriend after infidelity here.

For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups.  Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again.  Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating?  So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is

Can I ever feel that I can trust you after this?

Clearly, if they split with you because of a problem issue like infidelity, they need to know In Advance of letting you ocme back that you won’t hurt them that way again, you won’t keep doing what you did.

The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over.  We all believe that trust takes a long time to build.  So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

If you give those types of excuses to your ex, they will often think even worse of you and any chances of getting back together.  When you drink again will you cheat again?  If they are cold or mean to you in a month, will you use it as an excuse to cheat again?  So what you can do instead is to be an adult and to accept responibility.  Take full blame.  Do not give weak excuses to your mate.  You can learn a full system for resolving relationship conflict here.

You can own up to it by saying something along the lines of “I cheated on you and betrayed you.  I apologize and I I’m sure I caused you to feel like you can’t ever trust me again…”

That is a powerful start to repairing the trust.  If you got cheated on hearing that can help you to begin to deal with the infidelity.  Its like when you have kids and they screw up and you catch them and they try to lie or blame someone else it makes you much angrier.  But if they own up to it you can forgive them much more easily.

There are many other steps that need to be followed before you can truly begin to repair the trust, but this is a very big initial step!  Go here for a free course on How To Get Relationship Advice.