Posts Tagged ‘marriage help’

Infidelity Causes More Damage Than Ending A Marriage

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

divorce laws

Infidelity is a huge cause for divorce. It does not matter if it is in the United States or if it is in Australia. Unfaithfulness damages the very foundation of trust upon which a marriage is built. It causes self-doubt and always leads to fighting. There are many reasons why people cheat but none of them lessens the impact that it has on the other spouse. It can completely shake a person’s self-confidence and lead them to think it may have been their fault. That is simply not true.

It is easy to think of infidelity as being physically intimate with someone other than a spouse. But there are other ways to cheat as well. A person can be involved emotionally with someone other than their spouse. The two may never touch each other physically but it can still be devastating on the faithful wife or husband. No matter what type of infidelities have occurred, all parties are hurt in the end and this can be reflected in the divorce settlement.

Divorce court is not a great place to have to air dirty laundry about infidelities. Most judges do not look favorably on a cheating spouse. In some states it is grounds enough to be granted alimony. There are very few cases of uncontested divorces where a partner has been cheating. Most are very bitter affairs that often require the services of a divorce mediation professional in order to come to a peaceful agreement.

If your partner has cheated on you but you are not quite ready to call it quits, then you can still find marriage help. It will take a lot of work to get the marriage back on track but it can happen. It requires counseling to uncover the reasons why one spouse strayed from the marriage bed. There will be a lot of hurt feelings that have to be overcome and it is entirely possible that you can never let the incident(s) go and that divorce will happen regardless of your efforts to save the marriage.

Infidelity does more than end a marriage. It always causes the injured spouse to doubt his or her own value. Did you make your husband/wife cheat? Was there something about your looks or personality that was not good enough? All manner of questions run through the mind. Divorce laws are on your side if you decide to contact a divorce attorney but it does not make it sting any less.

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How to Improve Communication in a Marriage

Friday, June 5th, 2009

Communication gap is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not surprising. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication needs practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.Your body language and expressions can tell a lot about what you like and dislike. Facial actions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and demand a solution. Solutions usually start at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a nice and comfortable time to communicate. If anyone of you has a urgent project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you time to organize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unready. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your spouse is not as good at expressing as you then compensate.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.Both opinions are equally significant.

Do not get distracted while talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.  Don’t give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must live in both.
Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no result is apparent, professional help may be needed.Communication will not solve all your problems but it’s a good initiative to start.

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