Posts Tagged ‘relationship help’

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How To Get Over Cheating And Move Forward

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Does it seem like relationships and cheating go to together like peanut butter and jam? It can start to when everyone you know has had someone cheat on them. And chances are that someone has cheated on you. Or when it comes to relationships and cheating, you were the one doing the cheating.

Cheating hurts. It hurts the person who’s being cheated on, and believe it or not, it hurts the cheater. The cheater has to hide what he’s doing, probably has to lie to keep it a secret and has to feel the guilt that goes with it.

Even if he or she doesn’t seem guilty, they probably secret feel guilty. When there is a relationship and cheating occurs, that doesn’t mean the end of the relationship every time.

You’ve been in a relationship and you’ve been cheated on, and you’ve gotten back together or you never broke up. Can you really trust them now that they have cheated? How can you move on? Will they cheat again?

It’s not easy to save these relationships, and cheating is something that can sometimes happen more than once. But if you can truly rebuild your trust in the other person, then you can stay together and be happy.

Do you know why the person cheated on you? That’s a very important consideration in whether you’ll be able to trust them not to cheat on you again. Were things bad in your relationship at the time, or was it just a fluke that it “happened?” You should be able to have a calm discussion about these reasons.

If the reason turns out to be something like they were simply bored that day and the opportunity came along, then you may have a problem. If they can give no better reason for hurting you that way, you may want to consider whether you really can forgive them and be happy. It won’t be easy to do.

If you were having problems, then the other person might have thought that your relationship with them was going to end anyway. They might have felt ignored or unimportant. This is not to give them a good excuse for cheating—they were wrong. But it can help you to understand what they were thinking at the time and you can work on the problems together.

Cheating and affairs are a curious mixture, with some couples able to move on quite well after the devastation of an affair. Sometimes, though, the person who was cheating on can’t get over it. To stay in the relationship when there’s no trust there, and he or she fears that the other will cheat at any time, can be a miserable thing to do.

The constant suspicion can make you miserable, and can make the other person feel like they are being watched 24/7. You have to decide to trust the person not to hurt you again, and let go of the fear even though it can be very hard to do in relationships and cheating situations.

If you need help to rebuild your relationship, be sure to check out this highly acclaimed system for Making Up with your partner.

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4 Great Relationship Expert Lessons

Friday, June 5th, 2009

If you’ve read or listened to relationship & dating experts, you know that some of what they say is just common sense. They tell us things we already know, but they’re great at putting it into words and examples that make things easier to understand. The best relationships experts just know how to communicate.

They can take those common sense things and say them in a way that makes you “get it.” Like the concept of  what to expect and what to give in a relationship. This is one of the best lessons you can get from relationships experts.

Very often we go along in a relationship and as time goes on we start to take the other person for granted a little bit.

After the relationship hit a rocky period and ended and you’ve gotten back together, remember to be thoughtful and kind becomes very important. Relationships experts stress that as a good way to keep a relationship strong.

A second great lesson from the experts is to do what the other person will appreciate. This is another great common sense lesson that’s all too easy to overlook. It applies anytime during a relationship but after you’ve gotten back together from a break up or other bad patch it’s even more important.

To do what the other person wants doesn’t mean you should never consider yourself. But you should try to do what appeals to them to show them that you care. If it really makes you happy when your boyfriend helps you wash the dishes, then maybe if you helped him with some housework that would make him feel loved, too.

But there may be ways he likes to feel loved that are different. He might be the type of person who likes to hear you say it often, or likes romantic gestures. Even if those things aren’t as important to you, you need to do the things that are special to him.

Sometimes we forget that, or we just assume that everyone responds to the same things. But doing what makes the other person feel most special is easy to do.

And a lesson that the experts teach that often goes forgotten is respect. Of course, you respect your boyfriend or girlfriend, but does it always show?  This is part of taking them for granted but goes beyond not thanking them or returning loving gestures.

Often, we might be late for something and keep them waiting, or we might just accidentally be inconsiderate and not apologize enough. Take a lesson from the relationships experts and ask yourself if you treat your partner with the same respect you would treat parents or co-workers.

Take these ideas into consideration if your single and are about to start dating, as this could help build a better relationship from the beginning.

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Get Ex Back By Rebuilding Trust

Friday, June 5th, 2009

getting your ex back

Most of us think that when trust is broken in a relationship, it is almost impossible to rebuild.  However, if you wronged your partner and broke their trust (say, by cheating on them), it can be rebuilt if you follow a few important steps.  You can learn more about getting back together here.

Step One is to accept the blame for what you did.  This in itself is radical.  Instead of giving lame excuses or blaming your mate for being cold to you, you just take the blame.  “Hon, I wronged you, I cheated on you.”  When our mate has wronged us one of the things we wonder is do they really understand what they did wrong.  Step one takes care of this.  You make it very clear that you are to blame and you accept responsibility.

That is a great start!  It is entirely different from all the bs we usually get when there is a problem in a relationship.  I screwed up and I’m owning up to it is a very powerful thing” if you mean it and don’t keep screwing up.

Step Two follows right on top of this.  You then need to acknowledge that you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain you caused.  You can learn more how to get your ex back specifics here.

Look, your ex is hurting!  They may be furious with you, or they may feel sad and broken hearted.  They are in emotional pain.  So you fess up to that to, since you caused all the pain they’re feeling.  Hey, not only did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain.  I hurt you deeply, I made you feel worthless, like I didn’t appreciate and respect you.  I know I broke your heart.

Amazing!  This too is different from what your mate expects to hear.  Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused.  You’ve not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.

You’ve got to describe the pain some, using the best words you can.  This is exactly what Emotional Logic sounds like.  At this point, you want to make sure your ex feels like you understand him/her.  You cant skip this step, even if you are a man and, like many men, aren’t comfortable talking about emotions.  For the skill to work, your ex has to feel like you really understand the pain you caused by what you did.

Most apologies don’t work because they miss these two steps.  Accept blame for what you did and let your mate know you understand the emotional pain you caused.  When you do this, your apology is much more effective towards rebuilding trust.  There are more steps to it, but these first two can take you a long way.  Go here for a free course on Emotional Intelligence.

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Relationship Advice On Dealing With Infidelity

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

Infidelity happens in a lot of relationships.  When it happens, what can you do?  Do you need to get a divorce or kick your mate out?  Good Marriage Help really can help you in this situation.

You get to choose.  Stay or leave.  Now, whatever one you choose, there are two things you will have to deal with.

One is how to cheat proof your relationship.  It will not do you a lot of good to move on to another relationship if you just run into the same problem.  So you need to look at how this problem happened, and if there is anything you need to help not create it again in the future.  A course that can help with {How To Get Relationship Advice} is available.

Now, it isn’t necessarily your fault that your mate cheated.  Some people will do that with no provocation, entirely on their own.  But if that is what happened, you need to pick your next partner more carefully.

When infidelity occurs, sometimes both of you have some cause in the matter.  Did you stop being as loving?  Did things between you get too mechanical?  Did you grow apart and distant?  Did you turn into roommates not lovers?

Pay attention to intimacy factors.  Don’t let touch and connection fade between you.  Fight the tendency to become more like roommates over time.  Don’t let the burdens of adulthood and family keep you from enjoying each other.  Have small talk each day to stay connected rather than grow distant.

You can help cheat proof your marriage if you make it a point to keep the play going between you.  You got into the relationship in the first place to play together.  Then over time it can disappear.  Just having a date night once a week can help keep the play from disappearing from your love life - and keep your partner faithful.

The good news is that you can repair your relationship after infidelity.  And you can learn to prevent it from happening again in your life.  But you must pay attention to what caused it and see if you can avoid that in the future.  Here’s where you can get How To Have Loving Marriage Help that makes a difference.

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Get Ex Back By Asking Wisely

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Your ex has left you.  You want them back.  You have called them and apologized for whatever you did wrong that caused them to leave.  Now, how do you ask them to take you back? You can learn more about resolving relationship conflict here.

The first thing to understand is that each situation is unique.  There is no one rule fits all.  You may be able to get back together in minutes or it may take days. 

What if you were too controlling or jealous.  You’ve apologized.  They seem like they are open to you once more.  What now?  If you push too hard, they will feel like you haven’t changed much, won’t they?

So you ask for a second chance.  You say something natural.  “Will you give me a second chance?”  That is simple and normal.  Where the skill comes in is realizing the ball is in their court now.  Let them have the ball and take the time they need to consider your request.

Every ex and every situation is different.  Asking someone to take you back whom you hurt badly enough to make them leave you is a big deal.  Can you understand that?  This is not some small thing.  You have created strong negative feelings in your ex.  This is why they left you.  Asking them to take you back may seem like a small or obvious or necessary thing to you, but put yourself in their shoes.  (Go here for a complete course on How To Get Love Help)

Your ex doesn’t want to make a mistake here.  They don’t want to take you back and then have you hurt them again.

So let them have control.  Ask them to take you back, and see what happens.  Don’t try to push the issue.  If they want to think about it, ask them if you can call them in a day or two.  If they seem more open to you, you can ask if you can come over and talk about it tonight.

Your job is to make a sincere apology and then ask them to take you back.  That’s your part.  Then give them control, feel them out, let them be in charge of when and how to take you back.  You can get a complete system for resolving relationship conflict here.

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Get Ex Back With No Begging

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

relationship help

Once our ex dumps us, we can really start to miss them.  It hurts so much we can end up doing crazy things.  We can stalk them by phone, text, or in person.  We can say I’m sorry til we’re blue in the face to no avail.  And we can beg and plead for another chance.  You can learn more about love relationship advice here.

Everyone likes a little begging, they like to feel really wanted and needed.  But just a little.  Why begging doesn’t work is because it doesn’t change the bad feelings they have about you.  Your ex split up with you because their positive feelings for you have been replaced by negative ones.

Begging doesn’t do anything to change the negative feelings that have built up in their heart.  And, it can make you seem pathetic and desperate not in a good way.

Instead of begging, you need to do something much more intelligent and powerful.  You need to have a plan that allows your ex to release the negative emotions they have about you.  Those negative emotions are what is keeping you apart.

It depends on why your ex left you, but there are several ways to get them back fast.  You need to follow a plan that includes steps that help them to let go of the bad emotions they have so they can get back to feelings of intimacy.  Go here for a free course on How To Make Relationships Work.

The first step is to own up or fess up to what you did wrong (if you did nothing wrong you will need to follow a different Immediate Reconnect Strategy).  Don’t make excuses or give lame explanations like “it didn’t mean anything.”

Then give them a chance to vent.  To get those bad feelings they have off their chest.  Ask them how they are feeling about what happened, then shut up and listen.  Letting them talk is what helps them to release their bad feelings.

There is a lot more to this strategy, but it will usually be a lot more powerful than begging and pleading with them to take you back.  You can take a free course on how to get your ex back in hours.  You can get a complete system about resolving relationship conflict here.

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Get Ex Back With One Key Skill

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

making up with your ex

The reason relationships end can be grouped into three categories.  You wronged your ex, they wronged you, or relationship drift.  This article deals with the first two reasons.  You can learn more about getting my ex back here. 

If, for example, your ex cheated on you or you cheated on them, there is a very important strategy you can use to get them back that can work in hours instead of weeks or months.  This strategy is called venting.  Venting is when you or someone else gets things off their chest.  What does this have to do with getting your ex back fast?

Because their good feelings towards you have now been replaced by bad ones.  Hurt, anger, sadness.  That’s obvious.  So the question becomes, how can you help them to release those negative feelings besides wait six months to see if they get over it?  Is there a way to speed up the process of resolving negative feelings?

One powerful way to resolve negative feelings is to vent them.  To let them go.  To get them off one’s chest.  So you can call you ex and ask them how what you did made them feel.  That’s a start.  Then you have to be quiet and let them start telling you, let them start venting.  You can get a complete system for how to get your ex back here that goes into detail.

Look at it like a balloon filling with the hot air of negative feelings.  You want to prick the balloon by inviting your ex to vent.  It’s not hard, but it takes a bit of practice.  You want to make them feel heard and understood.  You don’t argue or explain or defend yourself.

This same strategy works the other way if they wronged you.  If you want them back after, say, they cheated on you, you need to release your bad feelings about what they did before you can really take them back.  So you ask them to just listen and not defend while you vent.

You already know about this tool.  You’ve probably used it many times over a beer with a friend getting things off your chest about work or your personal life, for example.

Venting, along with a few other steps, can make a big difference in getting your ex back fast.  It can help you get them back in hours instead of waiting months and hoping they will get over it eventually!  You can get a free course on Love Advice here.

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Relationship Help If You’re The Only One Trying

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

You can fix relationship problems when you’re the only one trying, even when your partner doesn’t seem like changing.  There are several skills to help make this happen, and a great one to start with is the 4 Step Quick Change Method. This is How To Fix Relationship Problems that makes a difference.

First Step:  Be specific about what you want to change.  What specifically would make the relationship better for you?  More quality time together?  More real communication?  Less conflict?

The first step to changing your relationship is to be as specific and concrete as you can about what it is that you want to change.  The more specific you are, the more likely you’ll be to get the change you want.

Step two is to then make a request of your partner.  Ask him or her for what you want, being specific about the change you seek.  Do not say “We don’t communicate, can we talk more?”  That won’t help your partner see exactly what you want to change in the area of communication. Good Relationship Help can really help you make changes for the better.

Be much more specific by saying something like “Can we spend some quality time talking about our day after we get home from work?”  Make it very easy for your partner to see what you want them to do.

Step Three is simple to get a yes, no or maybe from your mate.  Do not let them ignore you or blow you off.

Often times they will just say yes.  If it is a reasonable request, your partner will often want to make you happy by saying yes.  If they negotiate How about we talk about our day during dinner rather than right when we get home, thats fine, you want it to work for them.  If they say No, dont freak.

Step Four is how to deal with them if they say no to your request.  First off, you don’t need to start screaming or stalk off in frustration.  Often times it will be a delayed yes, they will just eventually start doing what you asked.

The important thing with a no is to honor it.  But you can always ask again later in the week, and see what they say next time.  When it is important to you, don’t give up after just one no.

There is a lot more to fixing relationship problems, but this tool can get you started.  You will find with a little skill you can change your relationship when you are the only one who is trying. You can get more help for relationships here.

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Relationship Help - 3 Key Secrets

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Doing just a few things you can enhance your love life.  Just paying attention to these three secrets can transform the quality of your relationship starting today.  More detailed information on all of this is available in a free relationship course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School.

Top Secret Number One:  Play!  Research studies have demonstrated that the more play in a relationship, the less fighting.  So if you are fighting a lot, play more, and test this out for yourself.  Just a few minutesa day of having fun with your mate can begin to change the feel of your whole relationship.

You got into a relationship in the beginning to have someone to play with, didn’t you?Do something great for your relationship by having some play time with your partner!

Top Secret Number Two:  Get Better At Conflict.  Look, conflict is gonna happen in any long term relationship.  How you manage and deal with the conflict is the key to having a better relationship.  During conflict we all tend to revert emotionally to 7 year olds, but screaming at your mate or expressing contempt are some of the big trouble signs for a relationship.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways.  One technique is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.  You can get some free training on conflict and Emotional Intelligence here.

Top Secret Number Three is to Minimize the Mind Reading.  Your spouse can’t read your mind.  They don’t actually just know what you want and need.  Realize this and help them out by asking for what you want.  If you want something or need something from your mate, ask for it.  If you need them to just listen instead of give you their advice, speak up for that as well.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking.  And encourage your mate to ask for what they need when they seem unhappy as well.  That’s being a good partner.

There is obviously a lot more to each of these three topics.  Books have been written on them.  But spending some time and effort on these three principles will pay off for your relationship over the long term.  If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Intelligence to transform your love life, you can fix relationship problems with a free course.

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